When I was about 5 years old my mother dropped me off at a friend’s house who lived across town. My friend and I were playing happily in her backyard when she decided to go inside for a minute. At about that same time, a boy from next door came over to play as well. But when he found a stranger in his friend’s backyard, he promptly and sternly told me that I needed to leave!

Since my friend was not there to defend me and my right to be there, I felt compelled to leave. Who was I to argue with this defiant expert on backyard territories? He seemed to know his stuff!

So I left … walking back across town (about a mile) to my own house in the cold winds of fall or spring. I know this because I remember it being cold enough that by the time I neared my home my nose was running profusely—so my sleeve became my handy wipe!

As you can imagine, my friend’s mother eventually discovered my escape and immediately called my mother to alert her. By that time I was already marching up to the front yard of my house, where she frantically greeted me.

I remember that day because it stands as a symbol of my fear of rejection and my incessant need to guard my heart.

In my marriage my husband has often figuratively stood as the little neighbor boy, pointing his finger towards the exit—whether he intended to reject me or not.

The sad thing is, I’ve often responded in the same way my five-year-old self did on that cool, crisp day—running from rejection.

God’s been working on my tendency to guard my heart a lot lately. I don’t have many profound conclusions about it yet, but I do know that in the 25+ years I’ve been married, it never works.

It always hopelessly pushes me further away from those God wants me to risk loving.

My heart is bound to be crushed and even kicked to the curb, because Jesus never promised me deliverance from pain in this life. He does, however, promise to be the Keeper and Guardian of my heart—and yours too! I don’t have to, and never should, take that role because my heart is His. He promises to use whatever pain I’m experiencing to conform me into His image. So why would I want to run from that—that beautiful refinement?

Are you running away from your spouse out of fear of rejection?

How do you try {in vain} to guard your heart?

Step aside and let Jesus stand guard over your heart today! I promise you won’t be disappointed!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)

Linking up with – NOBH, Monday’s Musings, Matrimonial Monday, Playdates with God and Marriage Monday’s