4 Easy Steps to Clarify Conflict

Today I want to share a simple 4 step plan that I refer to for perspective after I’ve just had a conflict with my husband or someone else. Although it has come in handy with others that I’ve been in conflict with, it gets used most often with my hubby, since he’s, unfortunately, my prime conflict partner!

These four steps bring greater clarity to my heart and mind because conflict seems to cause confusion and usually triggers emotions that I allow to plunge me into denial and deception.

If you feel like these steps would be helpful to you, then get out that trusty index card or note-taking app on your smart phone and record them there to carry with you wherever you go!

Step One –
Realize and remind myself:
(Spouse’s name) is not my enemy and only hurt.”

Step Two –
Pray for God to give me perspective on this conflict and reveal the hurtful purposes of my heart.

Step Three
Ask myself and God:

  • What have I done to hurt (Spouse’s name) or respond wrong?
  • What do I need to do to change and improve?

Step Four
Apologize for my part and leave the conviction of my spouse’s sin up to God!

Now, it’s your turn!

What do you do to clear the clutter during times of conflict?

***********

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20 responses to “4 Easy Steps to Clarify Conflict”

  1. Beth – I love step 4. Maybe one of the biggest relationship lessons we can learn is that I am NOT the Holy Spirit. It’s up to Him to convict, to correct, to change hearts. Beginning with my own …

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  2. Beth – I love step 4. Maybe one of the biggest relationship lessons we can learn is that I am NOT the Holy Spirit. It’s up to Him to convict, to correct, to change hearts. Beginning with my own …

    Like

  3. Beth – Thanks for the opportunity to link up with you. Gaye

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    1. Thank you, Beth. The things you write are very insightful, and I love sharing them. I am very confused by social media (lol!) and have decided to focus on learning Twitter first, as it seems most user friendly and time efficient to me.

      Like

  4. Beth – Thanks for the opportunity to link up with you. Gaye

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  5. No. 4 is sooo hard but really sooooo worth it. I just found this link up. I will def have to keep it in mind!! I’m a new follower and following you on Twitter too. Nice to meet you! Saw your link on We Are That Family.

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  6. No. 4 is sooo hard but really sooooo worth it. I just found this link up. I will def have to keep it in mind!! I’m a new follower and following you on Twitter too. Nice to meet you! Saw your link on We Are That Family.

    Like

  7. Great steps. Easy to share these with others and worth learning and applying myself. Thanks!

    Megan

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  8. Great steps. Easy to share these with others and worth learning and applying myself. Thanks!Megan

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  9. I think my 5th step entails moving forward, even if this conflict isn’t clearly resolved, and build every other aspect of the marriage relationship. Allow time for the area of conflict to close or heal or prayerfully wind to it’s resting place, all the while resolving to carry on with the rest of our life.

    I’m just beginning to use the Notebook app on my phone … I had no idea THIS is what it’s for, Beth! 😉

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    1. I am beginning to find it very helpful for lists I make — gifts, plans, menus and blog posts!

      By the way, while step #3 does imply the “moving forward” aspect of conflict, I err on the side of explaining everything in aggravating, minute detail. 😀 I have a friend who struggles with a mental illness and marriage issues … and has a brilliant mind, but needs the details spelled out so she can connect the dots and not miss the whole picture. I’m learning to see her way because she does not get the clues that the rest of us do sometimes.

      You and I differ in our words. I use hundreds (my husband would say “millions”), you use dozens — and both methods work. I’m learning to pare mine a bit … hard to do for me!

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  10. I think my 5th step entails moving forward, even if this conflict isn’t clearly resolved, and build every other aspect of the marriage relationship. Allow time for the area of conflict to close or heal or prayerfully wind to it’s resting place, all the while resolving to carry on with the rest of our life.I’m just beginning to use the Notebook app on my phone … I had no idea THIS is what it’s for, Beth! 😉

    Like

  11. These are great steps Beth. In conflict, I am not always feeling like submitting myself to the process, I’d rather have my way, on the spot 🙂 But I find that He is a process God, He shines a light on the motives and intentions of my heart. Regardless of who is “at fault”, there’s always something to change within me. I think that has been one of my greatest revelations. Love the other areas you’ve highlighted as well.

    Like

  12. These are great steps Beth. In conflict, I am not always feeling like submitting myself to the process, I’d rather have my way, on the spot 🙂 But I find that He is a process God, He shines a light on the motives and intentions of my heart. Regardless of who is “at fault”, there’s always something to change within me. I think that has been one of my greatest revelations. Love the other areas you’ve highlighted as well.

    Like

  13. I am beginning to find it very helpful for lists I make — gifts, plans, menus and blog posts!By the way, while step #3 does imply the “moving forward” aspect of conflict, I err on the side of explaining everything in aggravating, minute detail. 😀 I have a friend who struggles with a mental illness and marriage issues … and has a brilliant mind, but needs the details spelled out so she can connect the dots and not miss the whole picture. I’m learning to see her way because she does not get the clues that the rest of us do sometimes.You and I differ in our words. I use hundreds (my husband would say “millions”), you use dozens — and both methods work. I’m learning to pare mine a bit … hard to do for me!

    Like

  14. This is such a great idea and I love getting to put it in my phone because I carry that with me everywhere. Great reminders!

    Like

  15. This is such a great idea and I love getting to put it in my phone because I carry that with me everywhere. Great reminders!

    Like

  16. Thank you, Beth. The things you write are very insightful, and I love sharing them. I am very confused by social media (lol!) and have decided to focus on learning Twitter first, as it seems most user friendly and time efficient to me.

    Like

  17. I remind myself that I love my husband and he loves me even if we’re at a point of contention at the moment. Adam really needs physical affirmation of this and so I try to reach over and squeeze his hand, lay a hand on his back, or give him a hug (if I can). Adam has learned that I tend to need the exact opposite. I need some space to cool down for a moment, even if I don’t need to leave the room, so he let’s me have my moment to breathe deep, and then reaches for my hand.

    Like

  18. I remind myself that I love my husband and he loves me even if we’re at a point of contention at the moment. Adam really needs physical affirmation of this and so I try to reach over and squeeze his hand, lay a hand on his back, or give him a hug (if I can). Adam has learned that I tend to need the exact opposite. I need some space to cool down for a moment, even if I don’t need to leave the room, so he let’s me have my moment to breathe deep, and then reaches for my hand.

    Like

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