Wedded Wednesday – Vulnerabilities in Marriage

I’ve been there. I’m certain you have too … standing at the end of a good long stretch of going without, straining to see if what we want and need is off in the distance. But it either seems out of reach or is withheld like some cruel joke.

Sunset on the Tracks - 365/70 

Any prolonged deprivation of a need can lead to vulnerabilities … and vulnerability can lead to cracks in the very foundation of a marriage.

Here are some examples:

  • When your spouse is a control freak, you might be vulnerable to push the boundaries like a rebellious teenager would with a parent.
  • When your spouse neglects you for long periods of time, you might be vulnerable to unhealthy escapes like; workaholism, over-involved parenting, overly independent personal pursuits.
  • When you’re not connecting sexually, you might be vulnerable to opposite sex encounters or affairs.
  • When you’ve been criticized one too many times, you might be vulnerable to having a fantasy affair, which makes you vulnerable to an actual affair.
  • When your spouse rejects your faith, you might be vulnerable to spiritual attacks, which can lead to deciding to disconnect from other believers or church altogether.
  • When you allow yourself to ruminate on your anger towards your spouse, you might be vulnerable to bitterness or viewing divorce as an escape.
  • When you keep all your concerns and struggles to yourself, you might be vulnerable to denial and depression.
  • When you don’t address and seek healing for the hurts or sins of your past, you might be vulnerable to unknowingly erecting “barriers” that keep your spouse at a distance.

This list isn’t exhaustive, but it does give you some insight into how certain unresolved issues or unhealthy patterns in marriage can increase vulnerability.

There’s an additional problem that comes with prolonged vulnerability … we often lose sight of its danger to our marriage. And even worse, we may begin to feel we can’t reverse the pattern or find healing for the damage. It may start to feel like a runaway train—and you’re the one tied to the tracks!

So what do you do to stop the train?

How do you stop the vulnerability from fracturing your marriage?

Open your eyes to what’s going on, especially your part in the reaction. Do you see yourself in any of the examples above? Then don’t make excuses anymore and especially don’t let fear cripple you into paralysis on one end or perpetual motion on the other.

Open your heart in prayer. Call upon God and He will help you, if you surrender the situation fully to Him. No Indian Givers allowed!

Open your mouth by confessing your sins and struggles with others who are trustworthy. Remember this promise: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” James 5:16a (NIV)

Healing comes through the truth we share and the support and accountability we receive.

Don’t let the train of vulnerability run you over. You have the power in Christ to break the ties and find freedom and healing for your life and marriage!

photo credit by Lizard10979

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WW rules:

  1. Write in any way you feel inspired about marriage or parenthood.
  2. Be sure to include a link to Wedded Wednesday or copy and paste the WW button to your blog.
  3. Visit and comment on at least one other person’s blog that’s linked up here.

Optional but encouraged:

    • Consider setting up your Gravatar profile and Disqus Profile with a link to your blog … it makes it so much easier for all of us to find those of you who blog!
    • If you have the time, visit those who visit your blog and comment at their place as well … sort of a “Say it forward.”   

    Also linking up with NOBH, Works for Me Wednesday and To Love Honor and Vacuum

    14 responses to “Wedded Wednesday – Vulnerabilities in Marriage”

    1. oh … the photo says it all and the examples you have shared speak a loud Vulnerability SOS …

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    2. There’s a prayer I pray when chaos threatens our relationship: Dear Father, open his eyes to what’s going on and open my eyes to anything I have done to contribute to my hurt/anger/frustration. – it never fails!

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    3. Wonderful insights Beth. I love the three suggestions. So often, some of us feel like our vulnerabilities are a ticket to “acting however/doing whatever”. But soon realize it’s a frustrating response, with no healing in it. Thanks for sharing this.

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    4. Thank you for showing up here on a regular basis to encourage us in our marriages, Beth. It’s such important work. Blessings from my household to yours!

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    5. Such a powerful list of barriers – and through our years of marriage I can see where some of these popped up. Every time I see your blog name, I physically nod my head. Yes. Marriage is messy. But your 3 points – to open my eyes, heart and mouth – are an antidote to the mess. I love this post. Thank you.

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    6. I really enjoy your 3 practical action steps. Thanks for sharing!Megan

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    7. Wow, I definitely struggle with a couple of those. Thanks for the encouragement! I definitely need to be reminded of consequences and what I need to do about it. http://twainbecomingone.blogspot.com

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    8. I have been the rebellious teen … and learned that sometimes it’s not control, it’s caring. Control is a hard thing, but it can go into discussion and negotiation. It can be tempered and read correctly. It’s not a dead end.Neglect did lead me to over-scheduling activities and volunteer work, and now that we have turned everything around, I don’t know how I ever managed all those pursuits! When you put time into your marriage, you don’t have time for a hundred other things, and you shouldn’t. Everything in moderation. I could go on for almost every point, but the fact is, I hadn’t viewed these as vulnerabilities. In my mind, I saw them as distractions and replacement behaviors … but vulnerability fits exactly. Thanks for giving me a new perspective!

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    9. Thanks so much for inviting me to the link up! I linked up my post on “Making Every Night Date Night” Thanks also for the encouraging post. 🙂

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    10. Good thoughts today on Wedded Wednesday, Beth! Thanks for posting.

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    11. Wonderful words here today, Beth. I will be praying that God would open my own eyes to see where I might be vulnerable. Thank you for sharing your space.

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    12. Thanks for visiting my Blog Beth! I linked up my post, Why my marriage will stand the test of time as requested. Thanks for inviting me here!

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    13. Those cracks often are unnoticeable until they are detrimental. So important for us to be deliberate about meeting our spouses needs as well as communicating our own!

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    14. Thanks for the eye opening article, it makes me pause and think. I’ve been noticing lately I need to be more intentional and purposeful about my marriage and with my kids.

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