from blogger, Megan Elzey who writes at Sunshine Through the Windows.
My husband, Scott, and I fell in love when he was a junior and I was a senior in high school. Although we married fairly young, we’d already been dating for 5 and a half years.
Right after our first wedding anniversary, I got pregnant with our first child. The same month that our daughter turned one, I got pregnant again, and then again right after our son turned one. By this point, we were stressed and exhausted and our marriage was in serious trouble.
When I was about 7 months pregnant, I had a check-up with my midwife. Scott had been completely disengaged during the whole appointment, and when it was over I asked him if he was that unhappy all of the time, or just when he was around our family. He answered that he was that unhappy all of the time.
After talking a little while, I realized that he was very dissatisfied in our marriage, and had been thinking about it for some time. At the time, he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to stay married. We decided that we would start seeing a marriage counselor to see if we could make things better.
Over the next few months in counseling, it seemed like we were making progress. However, Scott still spent a lot of time completely disengaged from me and not attempting to make things better. Finally, our third child was born, and even though it was an incredibly wonderful time …
Three weeks after the birth of our baby, I finally confronted Scott about why he was so distant. He confessed that he’d fallen in love with a woman from his work. He assured me that he had not had a physical affair with her, but by then they had a very deep emotional attachment.
A few days later, he decided that he wanted to be with the other woman, so I asked him to leave. He moved into an apartment, and at this point he and the other woman began a sexual relationship. We remained separated for 2 months, during which time Scott insisted that he wanted a divorce, and …
I realized that, though I did not carry sole responsibility for our failed marriage, I did need to take responsibility for my part.
I felt certain that God would mend our marriage, even though it seemed impossible, but that both Scott and I had a great deal of growing to do first. I had such a strong, deep experience of God during that time that some nights I found myself praying even in my sleep. I also learned some very important lessons about my tendencies towards anxiety and controlling behavior.
This was the ultimate lesson, teaching me that I can only control myself and that I must trust God with everything else.
Finally, God changed Scott’s heart and led him back home. Once God reconciled our marriage, we were filled with a renewed hope for our marriage, and worked incredibly hard at mending and strengthening it. It’s taken work every single day and a huge amount of healing, but by the saving grace of God, our marriage is better than it ever was.
There have been many days since then that I’ve struggled deeply with the pain of what happened, but God’s still with me—continuing to grow, teach, and lead me. Scott’s also allowed God to change him and make him into the Godly husband and father he was created to be. Our marriage is centered on God, on His principles, and our foundation is strong.
Photo by Vortexas32 (Flickr)
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