When I was first married, my husband and I made many mistakes that ultimately made our marriage very messy from the start. As many of you know, I’ve chronicled many of the messes we’ve made over the 25 years of our marriage here on this blog.

But today I want to focus on the positive side of those messes in this ever-popular wedding month. So for all those who are getting married, newly married or simply feel stuck in the messiest of years, here are some of the tips and insights I wish I’d known when I first got married …

1. If you are so tired that you can’t think straight to discuss a matter calmly and respectfully, then by all means, do “let the sun go down on your anger” for that one night. The point of this biblical command is to not let our anger go unchecked, unconfessed and unaddressed with our mates. Just be sure to deal with it respectfully and prayerfully in the morning after a good night’s sleep!
2. Apologizing is not to be based upon the rationale that he/she should do it first because he/she was the first to offend. Instead, if you want to be the “first to be responsible and loving,” then be the first to apologize.
3. Look to God to fill your cup for satisfaction and comfort. Expecting your spouse to “fill” that cup will only lead to frustration and greater thirst.
4. When in conflict, make your goal listening to understand your mate rather than trying to be understood.
5. If you want greater personal satisfaction in your marriage, then consider your marriage as sacred and to be protected above your own personal feelings. God uses the paradoxical “dying to self for the greater good” in powerful and healing ways in marriage.

Now, allow me to turn the platform over to all of you who’ve lived and learned through your own marriage messes. Please tell us at least one thing you wish you’d known when you were first married in the comment section below!

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