Sometimes I let the doubts about who I am—messiness and all—get me down.
I wonder, How can I ever lead others into healing and wholeness in marriage or life, if I don’t have it all together myself?
The reality is that very often I don’t feel qualified. I don’t feel capable. I don’t feel strong enough or useful enough.
I think that sometimes people look at me as a pastor’s wife or as a counselor and think that I must be super healthy and always make the “proactive” choice. But the reality is that I’m human and fall down …
So then, you might ask me, What qualifies you to help others?
I think it’s because every single time I falter or fall (and to be clear, I’m not talking “falling” in an immoral sense!)
, I make the choice to …
Reach for Christ’s hand and he helps me get back up.
The fact is, if I tried to “get up” on my own, I’d fall right back down … on my fanny. (I know, because I’ve tried!)
So it all comes down to learning how to fall forward.
Let me give you a day in the life …
When I sense those negative internal messages popping up, I may indulge them depending on my circumstances or my hormones for a while. Sometimes it actually feels good to feel sorry for myself—to hunker down in my sweet-pity-pot-spot. I might actually stay there a while if I don’t …
- Pray and read my Bible daily – I really need my time with God or I fall prey to Satan’s schemes. He wants to see me defeated—especially since I’m trying to help others. (Eph. 6:11)
- Make time for (same-sex) godly friendships – if I don’t get my regular “girlfriend time,” I grow weary and more negative. It’s just a given. (Heb. 10:24-5)
Those practices and outlets are the foundation, but in order to truly fall forward I must also …
Rest in Christ
I can’t change my messes, failures or even my insecurities.
However, when I rest in or surrender to Christ’s work in my life, things change—I change.
Christ is a gentleman and never barges in on my messes. But when I invite him to help me, he begins the work of redeeming the messes I’ve made. He redeems not only the messes in my marriage, but also the mess that I am.
When I’ve surrendered that hurt, that insecurity—that mess to Christ—I am able to stand again. Then he gives me …
God allows me to experience empty, dry places. He walks with me through those hard times or those insecure moments, teaching me, not just how to get up from my fall, but also how to take steps forward after the fall. So I take every problem I’m facing and learn from it. I ask Christ to help me use it for good in my life and in other’s lives.
I’m not perfect—never claimed to be. But I’m not going to stay down after a fall as long as I’ve got the great, big, strong God that I do! How about you?