Recently there was an unfortunate meltdown by a couple in a Burger King restaurant. And what was even more unfortunate, the whole ordeal (yelling, sobbing, one partner storming out) was tweeted (video and pictures to boot) by a newsroom developer for all of the Twitter world to see.
Now, I don’t know the status of this couple and I’m not saying that any couple who has a heated argument in a public establishment is in deep marital trouble, but the couple is very representative of a couple in crisis. In other words, it doesn’t take much to ignite World War III, no matter where in the World you (or Matt Lauer) happen to be.
I tend to think that many a couple in crisis find themselves landing at Messy Marriage from time to time.
And if that theory is true, I want to share some information that might be helpful.
You see, just this past weekend, my husband and I had the privilege of attending free of charge a “Couples Experience” for Pastor’s and wives at the National Institute of Marriage in Branson (cofounded by Gary Smalley, Bob Paul and Mark Pyatt). The speaker introduced us to the types of topics and exercises that are a part of a “Marriage Intensive”at NIM.
“Marriage Intensives” are offered for couples in crisis, very much like the “Twitter couple.”
It’s sort of like therapy on steroids.
Very often it takes a high-intensity experience to reveal the deeply entrenched toxic attitudes and patterns in a marriage, especially when traditional therapy has become stymied and ineffective.
Some of what the therapists take the couples through at theNIM Intensive
- Understanding your “Fear Dance” – which reveals what underlying fears and reactions you as a couple have when conflict arises
- Understanding the “Fear Cycle” – which involves mapping out your fears and reactions so that healthy responses can be chosen instead
Another great option is Love and Respect Marriage Intensives
led by Emerson Eggerichs
and his wife, Sarah. Their next Intensive is January 20-22, 2012 and will be held at the picturesque Billy Graham training center, The Cove, in Asheville, NC. Emerson is the author of the national bestseller, Love and Respect
which is also a winner of the Platinum and Book of the Year award, selling over 1.3 million copies.
These are just a couple of options if you find yourself in this situation. And please, please know that anyone of us could be in your shoes. I’m grateful to have a husband who has willingly worked on the issues we’ve had in our marriage, but many are not so blessed. I feel for you. I’m praying for you. And I hope that you find Messy Marriage a safe place to hang out.