Marriage Policy – Never Compete with Your Spouse

My husband and I have certain marriage policies that we keep in place in order to protect and enhance our marriage. One of those policies is to never compete with each other.
Unfortunately, this wasn’t always the case. In fact, one of our first “competitions” took place while we were in college. We held a “Cute Baby Contest” in the Student Union with the only two contestants being baby pictures of me and, my then-boyfriend and now husband, Gary.
To make a long story short, I managed to win—probably because I did a whole lot more campaigning with my friends for my cute little mug! I think this contest only proved that my friends were more cooperative than his friends. All in all, it was just a silly game, but it truly set the tone for the days ahead of our marriage.
Throughout the years, anytime my husband or I tried to prove the other inferior or wrong, it was and is guaranteed to be a losing proposition. As a couple we need to have the policy of being for each other not against one another. Choosing to compete in any way in marriage—other than in times of sports or game playing—is like deciding to be enemies.
It’s like saying that the only way I can win is if I make my spouse a loser. No one wins with that policy.
Anytime you face a situation where you and your spouse cannot agree, don’t look for a way to prove that your point is right.
Instead, use it as a cue to look for a way to:
  • Understand your spouse’s point of view
  • Strengthen your spouse’s sense of value in your eyes
  • Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt
  • Work together as teammates rather than opponents
  • Exercise your “humility muscle”—it’s probably very weak!
“Now make me completely happy! Live in harmony by showing love for each other. Be united in what you think, as if you were only one person. Don’t be jealous or proud, but be humble and consider others more important than yourselves. Care about them as much as you care about yourselves.” Phil. 2:2-4 (CEV)
“. . . Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us.” Romans 12:3 (NLT)

BTW, the “cute baby” in the picture above is not of Gary or me. I didn’t want to post our original pics and ignite another “competition!” lol!

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