Marriage Mistake #2 – Expected Too Much Communication

Marriage Mistake 2Let’s face it. There are major differences between men and women, and one of the big ones is the amount of communication women use versus men. Studies have shown that women use approximately 20,000 words per day compared to the measly 7,000 word count that men tend to prefer.

You can tell this simply by asking a man a question and then turning and asking a woman the same question. A man will either say, “Yes,” “No,” or “I don’t know,” and the woman will say, “I’m so glad you asked. I’ve been wondering about that a lot too. Just yesterday, I was talking with my girlfriend about this very same issue and I told her . . . blah, blah, blah.”

Notice any differences?

When I was young, and dating my soon-to-be husband, I imagined that he would want to talk with me into the wee hours of the morning whenever he sensed that I had something on my heart. That fairy tale scenario didn’t quite pan out as I had hoped.

Actually, my husband, Gary, is very talkative (in a manly sort of way). As a couple, he’s definitely the extrovert and I clearly fall into introvert category. He’s the one that I have a hard time pulling away from conversations after church. He’s the one who loves to strike up a conversation with our waitress or the stranger waiting in line. He’s the one who loves to tell you story after story, and goes into way more detail than I, as an introvert, would ever think anyone would want to hear.

He definitely has the gift of gab. But when it’s just the two of us, sometimes it’s as if he morphs into the proverbial bump on a log. Don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of times when he tells me what’s on his mind, but when it comes to chit chat or even deeper—talking about feelings, it’s as if he’s missing the zip in his doo-dah! 

For the longest time, I tried to transform my husband into the wonderful girlfriends that love to chat with me for hours.

But somewhere along the line I figured out that . . .

  1. I didn’t marry a woman (duh) and . . .
  2. Trying to force him to talk with me like a woman might just be going against God’s grand design

Now, I supplement my conversational needs. I never expect Gary to be my only source.  And I turn to my girlfriends who are happy to oblige, whenever I need a little more than Gary can give. As a bonus, since my expectations have become more realistic, Gary has actually opened up more with me, even about those dreaded . . . feelings!

Disclaimer – Just in case you’re wondering, I asked permission from my husband to share this post.  He gladly approved!  Anything for the cause—bridging the gap between the sexes!

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