When messes and troubles continue unabated in life or marriage for any length of time, it’s easy to not only lose your way but also lose your identity. When this occurs, you will almost certainly experience more marriage and life messes as well as disorientation about your identity.
You probably lost your sense of identity because you poured yourself constantly into your ailing marriage and personal dissatisfaction for years. I am a firm believer that we should pour ourselves into our marriages, but losing our sense of identity occurs when we do this to our detriment.
Disillusionment occurs when you or I put far too much focus and effort on our spouses (and/or kids), looking to them to either guide us out of our problems or provide what we feel is missing. These are dead-end pursuits and roads paved with more disappointment and frustration.
Self-focused or Christ-centered Identity?
Before diving in, I want to be clear at the outset. I am talking about the only identity that truly matters for believers—your identity in Christ.
If you want to independently discover and define who you are—looking only to yourself for clarity or what resonates with you—then you won’t gain the footing and strength necessary for the challenges of marriage and life. You might feel temporarily better about yourself or even your spouse. Still, you won’t gain enduring satisfaction in your marriage or feel more secure in who or whose you are in life.
I would even venture to say that the more you focus on self-care, the more you might come to care less about your spouse or, worse, less about your Savior. Please do not misunderstand. Self-care is not wrong or bad. In my opinion, it’s just not the cure-all for a messy, mired marriage, nor an insecure or purposeless identity.
How to Find Your Identity in Christ
1. Receive Salvation and Commit to Step #2
If you are not a Christ-follower—you have not received Christ’s free gift of salvation—then don’t hesitate to consider the Savior’s invitation another second! Click my Know God page to read more about how to make this life-changing and worthwhile decision. I promise, you will be so glad you did!
2. Get to Know Your Savior
If you are a believer who feels like you have lost your sense of identity, then remember who you are by learning and knowing who Your Savior is. Saturate yourself daily in this pursuit and biblical adventure, scouring God’s word for verses and passages that reveal who He is.
Then, turn your focus to your identity in Christ, meditating on who God and His word declare and reveal that you now are.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20 (NIV)
Without a clear sense and integration of your identity in Christ, you will constantly struggle to manage the messes of life and marriage. Take it from a wife who operated for many years without this clear understanding and integration into my life.
How to Understand and Know Your Identity
Thankfully, many Scriptures clarify who and whose you are in Christ. So I want to give you a head start on your quest. The Bible verses below reveal the positions and reflections of your identity in Christ. But these truths must be understood and lived out every day if you hope to find security in marriage and satisfaction in life.
It is like receiving a check. The check won’t do you any good until you sign it and take it to the bank to deposit it into your account. Applying these truths, helps you claim and live out the riches of who you are in Christ!
Child of God
Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God (John 1:12).
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. (1 John 3:1-2).
Bride and Spouse of Christ
Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready (Revelation 19:7).
For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth (Isaiah 54:5).
Heir of the Father and Co-heir with Christ
Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory (Romans 8:17).
Sibling of Christ
Both the one who makes people holy and those who are made holy are of the same family. So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters (Hebrews 2:11).
Chosen Person and Royal Priest
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light (I Peter 2:9).
1 Peter 2:9 (See Royal Priest above)
God’s Special Possession
1 Peter 2:9 (See Royal Priest above)
Soldier of God
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand (Ephesians 6:10-13).
Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus (2 Timothy 2:3).
Temple of the Holy Spirit
Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; (1 Corinthians 6:19).
Member of the Body of Christ
Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it (1 Corinthians 12:27).
Image-bearer (of God)
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them (Genesis 1:27).
Slave of Christ
Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart (Ephesians 6:6).
Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves (1 Peter 2:16).
Accepted by Christ
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God (Romans 15:7).
Loved by God
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).
Known and Wonderfully Made
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (2 Corinthians 5:17).
God’s Masterpiece
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago (Ephesians 2:10 NLT).
Chosen and Holy
For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight (Ephesians 1:4a).
And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all (Hebrews 10:10).
Forgiven
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Colossians 3:13).
Complete in Him
and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority (Colossians 2:10).
being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Philippians 1:6).
Homework for This Week
Reflect on these verses to remind yourself of your identity in Christ, especially whenever you feel lost, disoriented and discouraged.
Click here to download the printable PDF that you can post somewhere and remind yourself of these incredible truths about who you are in Christ!
Here’s another vintage video from my Sloppy Joe Time series, this time on the topic of: “Did I Marry Mr. Wrong?” If you’ve ever been tempted to think this (or married Mrs. Wrong), then you won’t want to miss out on seeing what I have to say about it.
What’s the verse or position you hold in Christ that is most meaningful to you?
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