A couple of years ago, Gary (hubster) lent one of my books to a friend. After 24 years of marriage, our books live “commune-style”—what’s mine is Gary’s and what’s Gary’s is mine. I, however, don’t always like this arrangement, which brings me back to the “lent book situation.”

Now, don’t get me wrong. Gary didn’t lend out my book thinking that it was mine. He would’ve asked me first before lending it out. And since friendliness and hospitality are two of Gary’s gifts, the book found its way to another’s hands and home.

This went unnoticed by both Gary and me for nearly two years until I wanted to write the post I’ve been promising on how to set boundaries. So I hunted high and low, because we have three levels where the books reside … “commune-style.”

I asked Gary if perhaps he’d taken it to his office at church. It was then that he remembered he’d lent it out long ago. Now, he had dutifully recorded who had borrowed the book, but was lenient on the return policy, I suppose.

This was a moment of frustration for me. I had to quickly change gears on the direction of a post I was going to write that was due the very next day.

Yep, I was not happy.

So days later, just as we sat down to eat my birthday dinner at the restaurant of my choice, Gary dropped a double-whammy on my plate … the person who’d borrowed the book could not find it, so I would have to order another one.

Now, not only would I have to wait to write my post until my new book arrived, but I would also have to reread the entire book in order to highlight all the important places that were previously conveniently marked for me.

Yep, I was not happy.

Now, before I go on. I want to say that Gary fully understood the agony he’d just put me through (he’s a book person too) and apologized profusely. Also, I’m not blaming the person who borrowed the book either, because we may still have the book somewhere in one of the many unpacked boxes in our back bedroom (don’t get me started on that slight frustration!).

I didn’t just initiate a forgiveness process, as I had once believed was necessary—I just forgave. Formerly, I thought that the decision to forgive could not be initiated and completed in one step. I felt there was always a need to process the hurt. But since attending a class with Everett Worthington, I now feel that the decision to forgive is equally valid and separate from the emotional process of forgiveness.

All that to say, little irritations like this one (and bigger irritations that will go unmentioned) can and should be forgiven immediately. Sure, there are those offenses that cut to the bone and require processing as well. But there are so many days that are filled with small annoyances or minor insults that need to be immediately forgiven in Gary, in my sons, in so many others. And hopefully, I will receive that same gift of forgiveness too …

This Christmas and every day before and after, I want to give the gift of forgiveness that Christ came to earth to give to you and me.

It’s simple.

It’s loving.

It doesn’t require a bow.