4 Ways to Avoid Correcting Choices Your Mate Makes

If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know that I tend to want to correct, even manipulate, my spouse’s choices. There’s just something within me that loves to bite on the bait of this temptation whenever it comes my way.

Dare I say it? That something within me is my old sin nature at work! Lol!

Can you relate?

Correcting Your Husband - This post deals with the temptation to correct your mate and offers 4 ways to avoid this destructive boundary violation moving forward. #messymarriage #awifelikeme #marriagematters #boundariesinmarriage #manipulatingspouse #correctingchoices #trustGod #prayerinmarriage

Before I continue with my story, I’m excited to announce that I am now a regular contributor at A Wife Like Me, though Messy Marriage will still be my main landing spot, of course. So if you’d like to read the rest of my story about correcting my mate’s choices, head on over to AWLM.

But before you go, consider watching my very first Sloppy Joe Time video, which was on the subject of who should apologize first.

In the weeks to come, I’ll be reintroducing you to the many SJT videos I’ve done in years past. People tell me all the time how much they miss them. But at this point in my life, they are just too time consuming to return to and produce.

Still, who knows?

Maybe one day I’ll get back in the SJT saddle and gallop toward you with my signature coffee cup in hand. Please forgive me if I spill a little coffee in your lap when, and if, I come trotting your way someday! 😉

Until then, here’s some vintage footage for your perusal!

Apologize to Spouse - Come to MM to watch a video that will help you discover who should apologize first in your marriage when it is unclear. #apologizeinmarriage #messymarriage #marriagematters #communicationinmarriage #personalresponsibility #conflictresolution

What are some of the problems that have developed for you when you’ve tried to correct your mate (or someone else’s) spiritual choices?

What are the problems that erupt when you wait on your mate (or others) to apologize first?

Here are some other lovely linkups I join – Inspire Me Monday, Kingdom Bloggers, Literary Musing Mondays, Tea and Word Tuesday, Purposeful Faith , Tell His Story, Recharge Wednesday, Porch Stories Linkup , Welcome Heart , Worth Beyond Rubies Wednesday, Sitting Among Friends, Destination Inspiration, Tune in Thursday, Heart Encouragement, Grace and Truth, Faith and Friends, Faith on Fire Friday, Fresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday

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However, this comes with no extra cost to you and will not increase the price you pay for any items you decide to buy on Amazon. It is simply a way for me to earn some support for the ministry expenses of this blog. Thank you in advance for being willing to use any Amazon links as searching tools!

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22 responses to “4 Ways to Avoid Correcting Choices Your Mate Makes”

Bev @ Walking Well With God

August 11, 2019 at 7:52 pm

Beth,
I enjoyed popping over to “A Wife Like Me” to read your post! God doesn’t need my help…hmmm! This sounds so familiar. I admit that an ugly little thing called pride makes me want to “fix”, manipulate, guide, influence, and yes, even help God. Silly me. Most of the time, I think God would just like for me to get out of the way so that He can work. My best work is done on my knees in prayer. Great reminder!
Blessings,
Bev xx

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1. Beth
  
  August 12, 2019 at 3:32 pm
  
  Great way to bring a powerful bottom line to my words, Bev–our best work is done on our knees! To that end, I pray we are both more and more active and determined. God has done more through my prayers and surrender than I’ve ever hoped to do with my words of “wisdom!” And I use that word wisdom very loosely! Lol! Thank you for stopping by to read and encourage, my friend! Hugs from afar!
  
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April

August 12, 2019 at 12:39 am

Both topics addressed here, the post over at awlm and then even the video of apologizing first are both such great topics for getting us to see that when we put the needs of our spouse above us wanting our own way then we can not only keep more peace in our home but also that we are pleasing God when we choose selfless over selfish. Great reminders, Beth. #inspirememonday

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1. Beth
  
  August 12, 2019 at 3:29 pm
  
  So true, April. This really is all about choosing to be selfless rather than selfish. I’m so glad you’ve added that to the discussion, my friend! Thanks for stopping by! It’s great to see your smiling face back here in my place!
  
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Michele Morin

August 12, 2019 at 5:42 am

Manipulation is such a sneaky and subtle offense against our husbands. We might even convince ourselves that we are managing his opinions “for his own good.” Thanks for shedding light on the disrespect and selfishness at the core of it.

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1. Beth
  
  August 12, 2019 at 3:28 pm
  
  Yes! That’s exactly what gets me in trouble, Michele! I think I’m doing him a favor! Bwahahaha! I laugh, not because it’s funny how little he knows, but how funny it is that I think I know so much more! Boy, oh boy, do I need to DAILY seek God’s help on softening and humbling my heart! Thank you for your kindness to me, my friend! So glad to see you back in my space!
  
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HOPE

August 12, 2019 at 7:22 am

Just to make sure I’m not pushing my agenda when it comes to decision making I don’t always tell him my thoughts straight away. If for example God has spoken to me about something, I won’t tell me hubby straight away I pray for God to speak to Him too and then I wait until my husband has also caught the same revelation for himself directly from God. Then we come together and decide the next steps towards.

Or if I’m desperate to get the topic off my chest I’ll tell hubby about it generally but not the decision I would like to take. Therefore he has time to think about how he wants to respond.

A third option is we keep praying together on something and then keep talking until we agree on a decision together xx

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1. Beth
  
  August 12, 2019 at 3:26 pm
  
  Yes! That’s my practice too, Hope! Often I don’t even need to come to my husband because God opens his heart and mind up to what I wanted him to see before I say a word! And yes, yes, yes to praying about it together! Great thoughts, my friend! Thanks for coming by and joining the conversation!
  
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Jana

August 12, 2019 at 9:14 am

A new discovery for me! I had no idea you had any videos! I love it! Also, your post is great, as usual. The Lord convicted me of this early on in our marriage, and I’ve learned to bring it to God and trust Him to speak to my husband, BUT the LISTENING one is my challenge. More and more I’m realizing how much I need to grow in the area of listening well. Thank you for diligently reminding your readers of this vital aspect of healthy relationships.

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1. Beth
  
  August 12, 2019 at 3:24 pm
  
  Yeah, I used to do them regularly, but as I stated above, the production was too time-consuming–though I LOVED doing it nonetheless! And I can relate to the listening being a challenge too, Jana. I love that old Irish proverb about God giving us two ears and one mouth so that we will do twice as much listening as talking! If only my mouth and mind would run out of words before poisoning the pot! Lol! Thanks for coming by and encouraging me, dear friend!
  
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Stacey Pardoe

August 12, 2019 at 10:21 am

Oh Beth, this one is just for me! It’s been such a slow process of learning to tame this tongue of mine, and your words of wisdom are wonderful advice! Yes and amen! Thanks for being so faithful to call us to higher standards in our marriages! Your honesty and willingness to share your own struggles bless me so deeply!

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1. Beth
  
  August 12, 2019 at 3:21 pm
  
  That’s the best encouragement, Stacey! Not only are you saying that what I shared met a need in your life, but it also means I’m not alone in this challenge! Lol! Thank you for stopping by to encourage and uplift me, my friend!
  
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Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

August 12, 2019 at 11:12 am

There’s not much to manipulate,
not much of me that’s left.
And there’s nowt to celebrate
of this life’s warp and weft.
I know you wanted something else,
the kind of life I couldn’t give;
I know that our shared history tells
of your grace in the life we’d live.
If I could go back…but no,
I can’t say I’d fix the past.
I’d have to fix me first, although
those fixes might not last.
So much went wrong, but hold this clear:
I’m glad you’re here in my dying year.

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1. Beth
  
  August 12, 2019 at 3:19 pm
  
  I bet! I’m sure that every ounce of energy is used for manipulating your own body to move and work as needed, Andrew! It’s funny (or sad, you pick!) how restrictions and suffering in life can bring the much-needed perspective shifts we need in our marriages and lives. But I’m grateful you still try to peck out your words of wisdom gained through these trials, my friend! You open wide our eyes and hearts! Thanks so much for stopping by! I’ve missed you!
  
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Lisa notes

August 12, 2019 at 12:43 pm

And it’s not just choices that we like to correct: sometimes it’s just facts that they say. I’m guilty of that. I like to be accurate, and if it was 3 days ago instead of 4 that we saw a movie (or whatever) I have to bite my tongue not to correct Jeff on it. As if I’m always right anyway! ha.

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1. Beth
  
  August 12, 2019 at 3:16 pm
  
  Lol! We are two peas in a pod, Lisa! Both in the fact correcting and the tongue biting! 😉 Thanks so much for stopping by! It’s always great to see you here, my friend!
  
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Sheen

August 12, 2019 at 10:44 pm

I love your article Beth!! This speaks to me a lot! God knows what I’ve been doing and He knows my heart. I want to entrust everything to Him. That He knows what my husband is thinking and doing even I don’t understand. Thank you so much!

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1. Beth
  
  August 14, 2019 at 3:49 pm
  
  I’m so glad to know it encourages you, Sheen! I’m with you! I want to entrust all things regarding my life and marriage to the Lord, even when that seems risky. It’s really the safest thing we could ever do! Thanks for your kind words, my friend!
  
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Rebecca Jones

August 14, 2019 at 4:29 pm

It must be in a lot of our natures to want to fix thing, but only He really can.

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Angela Johnson

August 16, 2019 at 3:39 pm

Great post! I love A Wife Like Me. It is such a wonderful and encouraging place. I agree with you on prayer being our first step. I think that is the most important thing. We have to pray about everything including our unhappiness with our spouse’s decisions. God made them the head of the household and I believe if they walk with Him, He will equip them. He does not need our help in this department or any other department for that matter. He is God. Thanks for sharing. Sharing and Pinning

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Mary Geisen

August 16, 2019 at 8:10 pm

What a blessing you will be to the A Wife Like Me community. You have such a great way of sharing marriage advice that doesn’t feel like advice.

As I was reading your four ways to avoid manipulating your spouse, I was struck once again with how I can use these same ideas in other relationships. That is what I like about coming here to glean wisdom from you. love you friend!

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Linda Stoll

August 22, 2019 at 2:04 pm

Well, you know how much I always always loved those videos, Beth! I’m so excited to see their reemergence again…

😉

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