Today I’m continuing my series on why I didn’t apologize to my mate, by tackling the third justification I mentioned two weeks ago. {To see that post click here.}

“I believed that because his sins seemed so much worse and more glaring than mine, that by confessing, I would only be pacifying him. In doing that, I was robbing him of the negative consequences {conflict and anger} that he needed in order to wake up to his bad attitude.”

This false belief has sooo many layers that I need to unpack them one-by-one.

First of all – “I believed that his sins seemed so much worse and more glaring than mine.”

What fueled this belief? Plain and simple, my pride!

Dave Harvey so eloquently says, “If you find yourself on a speck hunt in your marriage, it’s probably because your suspicions are misdirected and you’re inspecting the wrong spouse.” {See Mt. 7:3-5}

[Tweet “My husband’s “speck” is not my business, but MY speck or “plank” definitely IS! “]

As long as I was looking at him and his sin, I would not {and will not} be able to see my own sin. That’s because . . .

[Tweet ““Speck-hunting” blocks our view of our sins and mistakes.”]

The second part of this distorted perspective is – “by confessing I would be pacifying him.”

To pacify means “quell the anger, agitation, or excitement of.”

To be sure, an apology is a guaranteed way to bring calmness to a situation. But I was viewing an apology in this scenario as more of an inauthentic way to submit to someone whom I believed did not deserve my submission.

Yes, I know how judgy, ugly and hypocritical that sounds and IS!

Sadly, I was more concerned about being “holier-than-thou” honest and authentic, than being concerned with my ugly pride and reeking rebellion. Yep! I was stirring up those “lovely” ingredients like a toxic cocktail in my heart!  

Last time I checked, God says,

“Submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” ~Ephesians 5:22 and “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” ~Ephesians 5:21

There’s no clause that says, “Submit only if your spouse is right or worthy of submission.”

If I am to submit to my husband as I “submit to the Lord” or “show reverence to Christ”—who is certainly worthy of my submission—then . . .

[Tweet “I must rest in my Lord’s care and conviction of anything my spouse is not doing right. “]

Finally, the fact that – “I felt like withholding an apology would give my husband the negative consequence of my anger” . . .

Is flat-out making myself a “god.”

By using anger {which is not a helpful consequence in discouraging bad behavior, by the way!}, I was distracting my husband from the still small voice of God’s conviction in his life. I was muddying the already murky waters.

I finally recognized two important facts . . .

Do you think you must be genuine in your apology before you can offer one?

What do you think would increase your faith in the Lord’s handling of your mate’s sins and mistakes?

I hope you’ll be sure to join me next week as Cassie from True Agape will be our guest and host of Wedded Wednesday!

Joining with my friends at Giving Up on Perfect, Wifey Wednesday, A Little R & R Wednesdays, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Coffee and Conversation, So Much at Home and Wholehearted Wednesday.

Let’s get this Wedded Wednesday Linkup started!

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